THE iKiFit BLOG

Join iKiFit founder, Kim Macrae for snippets about education, life choices and self empowerment that encourage us to be the best version of ourselves - Every Single Day! (Click below to hear iKi Crews Every Single Day excerpt. Full version for sale on iTunes).

Life Coach and working mum Amy shares her experiences of how iKi helps her meet the challenges of juggling children, partner and career, while striving to be a happy, healthy strong role model. And staying sane!.

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Teach our children the boundaries of social existence.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Clear guidelines help build confidence - and competence.

This week I’m excited to be reading the long running best seller “The 12 Rules for Life” by professor Jordan B Peterson.

He says he is surprised by the popularity of the book given that his main message is that we take responsibility for our actions – and teach our children to do the same.

We all benefit from structure in our lives and a key is to teach children boundaries: – remembering that those guidelines, or rules, are there to do two things – to give children (and everyone else) the security to explore, learn and have fun, while protecting them (and ourselves) from the chaos of anti-social behaviour.

It’s about protecting us ‘enough’ that we feel secure to explore and learn and so become competent – but NOT about trying to save us from all possible pain, as that destroys challenge, initiative, fun and resilience.

He says in Rule 5 that our job as parents and teachers is to set boundaries consistently and fairly. To punish when those boundaries are crossed and reward when the boundaries are adhered to. “Clear rules and reasonable discipline matter for the self- secure, psychologically mature and socially developed child”

Some argue that we should protect children from negative emotions as much and for as long as, we can, but Professor Peterson makes the point that negative emotions serve a purpose. “Pain is a signal of what not to do. Anxiety is a signal of things: – situations and people, to avoid. These feelings protect us by teaching us how to operate in this wonderful - but dangerous – world, in order to promote our survival. Preventing our children from experiencing negative emotions can result in more harm because we defer their learning”

“It’s far better to render the beings in our care competent, rather than to “protect” them.

Have a great week. 

Kim.


 


Self Care - It needs to be up there!

Friday, March 02, 2018

Hi folks. As we head into the weekend I wanted to touch base with you and ask a question! 

What have you done this week for YOU? What have you done to take care of yourself? 

I've been waiting with baited breathe for the last 5 years for my partner to buy me flowers as a romantic gesture. I've even mentioned in passing the great deals he can get from the flower guy at the local service station. Every Friday when he comes home empty handed I end up feeling deflated, disappointed and even slightly unappreciated. But why? If I want the flowers that bad, why don't I just buy them for myself? 

If flowers mean so much to me, if I feel I have earned them or deserve them, why don't I reward myself? Why should it be up to my partner to buy me flowers? Yes, it can be a romantic gesture, but what I'm learning is that this is not necessarily how he communicates his love or his romantic feelings towards me. He does this in so many other ways. But it leads me to the question: what loving gestures am I making to myself? 

Because as a busy mother of 3 who works full-time, it's really important that I take care of ME. Because there are a lot of people relying on me. 

At first it seems selfish, even a little indulgent. But trust me, once you get into the swing of it: stealing that extra 10 minutes in the shower for yourself, taking an extra 30 minutes to do the grocery shopping, or buying that bunch of flowers for yourself, it can go a long way to maintaining your sense of self. Nurturing and caring for yourself  is good family management. Ultimately it can make you a better parent, not to mention is great role modelling for our children. 

Now, this doesn't negate the need to check in with your partner and throw them a bone every now and then in the romantic department. That can be a topic for another day: "Love Languages" and all that. But for now - for this weekend.. what are you going to do for you? 

I bought my flowers, aren't they lovely!  

iKiMum : )